I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
