Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize