things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
