Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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