i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You may now shotgun with the bride
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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