I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
