Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
