Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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