I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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