i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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