Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
