4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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