So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
