"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
