I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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