Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
