guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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