she was so not down for the gang bang
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
