Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you had me at cake vodka
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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