thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
