Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
