I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
