Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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