I want to have your abortion
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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