that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
