We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
