I think my vagina is haunted
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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