you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize