you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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