god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
