So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
