if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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