i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Boobs are out for the taking
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
