somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize