why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
