Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
