Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
