does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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