Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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