I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
