I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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