I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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