the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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