I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
