i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize