He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
