I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
