She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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