the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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