thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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