Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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