it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
