My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
