Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
