I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
