Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
