We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Found the puke drawer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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