i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
