Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
