I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
