In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize