I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In America we eat man semen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
