Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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