12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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