If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
