Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
