I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
