i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
