Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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