is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
